This Is Where My life Began....

This is where my life, the life that I have now began...

Madelyn Renard Douglas

This is  was my Mother-in law. She was one amazing lady and is missed daily by many. I am jumping ahead......

This weekend found me traveling back to Southern Illinois still referred to as "home", been gone for two years now but it's in the blood! Again jumping ahead as it has been way too long since I wrote anything.

Danielle and Nathaniel went here:

In October for their anniversary and came home with

First Thought was wow how can I be old enough to have a grand baby! second thought wow this is going to be awesome! And it has been. of course this time around I am not the one with morning sickness, fatigue and your body doing all kinds of weird things. As anyone who knows my daughter she is slightly spoiled by both myself and her wonderful husband so we have been busy with "stuff" while she is and I quote "growing a human".

So this past weekend we loaded up two vehicles, mine with the girls:

....and the kids with an empty truck. We made it to Illinois and the infamous "Baby Shower" now that brings up a whole other subject about how I really don't understand this American tradition, but I will save that for another day. 

Nathaniel's Mum, my niece Jennie, my ex Lisa and my ex husbands girlfriend Michelle had planned the whole thing and it was fantastic. So many people showed up. gave up their afternoon to support Danielle, Nathaniel and this new little human that is going to come into our world. The gift's were plenty, the cake was yummy, the punch flowed but what I really tried to enjoy was just the company. Too often now we are busy, states away, our own lives flying along so fast we have a hard time staying or even enjoying the moment. So I watched and I drank it in. So much love in that room. 

Then came the drive home...driving I find very cathartic especially when all you have is two snoring labradors for company. I found myself thinking about the day before. All my nieces, nephews, their children. My sister in laws, my exes, friends who are family. My own mortality reflecting back at me in the faces of all the babies in that room. I cried not going to deny it. Cried off and on the whole way back. Thought of my mother in law, Madelyn. She LOVED family, loved get togethers. So many little faces she did not get to see, so many of the faces she did, getting older, making their own families, their own memories that she is not a part of. Catch my sister in law Cheryl just right and when she laughs I can hear Madelyn. 

So I thought, really thought that this amazing lady who is no longer hear but spoken of often and carried in so many hearts literally gave me my life. I LOVE my life and I have her to thank for it. Now my parents had me...formed me, raised me, loved me sent me out into the world. Madelyn had a son who became my husband. It might not have worked out the way everyone hoped or we even planned but we made two beautiful kids and his family, the family she made, welcomed me with open arms. Stood by both of us when we divorced and when I came out. Welcomed Lisa into the clan and we ARE a truly blended family. I owe Madelyn so much,  I miss her daily and am so thankful for her existence in this universe.

Final thoughts we never seem to have enough time, I no longer take it for granted. We are all getting older as recent events show you never know what is around the corner so make time. Even if its a 5 minute phone call ALWAYS make sure the people you care about know it. We may live states apart, oceans apart but make sure the people you care about know it. 

Jackson Turner Wells we are all waiting for you, you will be loved unconditionally, we have a big crazy loving family and while you may not get to meet your Great Grandma Douglas you will know all about her.....